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Reader 4

Date: Sun, 02 Nov 1997 20:04:09 -0600
Subject: Story

By tightening up, I meant getting into some points more quickly, like in the opening. It would be better to know Giles was waiting for John right away.

Like;

Giles glanced at his watch. It was getting on eleven, and still no sign of John. He sighed, and folded his newspaper. First Saturday of everymonth, Giles and John had met at this cafe since graduation. John was frequently absent because of his archeological digging, but Giles came every month.

Work had been slow, and Giles was bored. he needed a challenge. John was in from a dig, and always brought something interesting on the Occult for him.

Suddently a large satchel was dropped on the table in front of him.

I guess I should have said it needs to be more active, than passive in tone.

Its a nice idea though. Fairly original. Dialogue's good.

Hope this helps.


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